Do I have to be a woman to participate in this community?

No. Any user who can follow the rules is welcome here. Women, men, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, cis folks and trans folks, everybody. If you're not on board with that, you can fuck right off.

But what about the subreddit name?

Read this post from when 2XC was only a month old. We haven't changed our stance since then, and never will.

What about trans women?

Trans women are women. TERFS can fuck right off.

What are the rules, anyway?

TL;DR: Keep it civil, keep it relevant. Don't start shit, won't be shit.

You can find the rules in the sidebar (community info for mobile users), or here's a direct link: 2XC Rules

Most moderator actions are the result of users breaking Rule 1: RESPECT. If you keep Wheaton's Law* in mind and participate in good faith, you'll probably never hear from the mod team.

  

^{*Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.}

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For more in-depth interpretations of the rules above, see the 2XC FAQ and 2XC Moderation Policy.

Anyone else see that thread about Lizzo? It was so so frustrating and disgusting to read comment after comment about how 1) fat Lizzo is, 2) she's encouraging young women to be fat by being a famous fat person (aka existing, rather than hiding away), 3) people are just soooo concerned for her health, 4) she has no right to be fat and twerk or wear assless chaps.

The absolute RAGE that men felt by seeing a woman so clearly NOT fit into their standard of beauty yet feel confident and dress sexy - rather than feel the shame that they "should" be having. Fucking WILD to see that get under their skin so much. Imagine feeling so entitled to having only pleasing women be the ones that you have to look at. Essentially, fat women should just be invisible and they deserve it.

The mental gymnastics were exhausting - the energy it takes to genuinely convince yourself that Lizzo is somehow influencing an entire generation that "being fat is healthy". As if, yes, this is truly undoing the decades and decades of internalized beliefs that skinny is best. It is so fucking, painfully laughable.

I’m a bartender at a pub and last night a couple comes in, they appear totally sober, each have just a beer and a shot. They go sit at a table and 30 min go by and I look over and she’s falling on the floor. Man is yelling at her and getting an Uber. He disappears and me and and a customer (woman) help this lady outside to sit on a bench thinking he will be out there and help her in the car. Nope. I watch as he leaves in the Uber himself. Now she is someone else’s problem. She’s fucked around with her phone so much she’s locked out of it for hours.

She is obviously blacked out and going from laughing to crying, the only information I could get is that she is from another state and he flew her out here, she doesn’t know anyone and doesn’t have any money. I get her water and food and put her on the couch in the back so she can hopefully sober up and I can close the place down.

She runs out of the back at one point and runs out the front and into the street. I literally had to run at full speed to catch up to her and tell her she’s either leaving in a taxi or in a cop car. Finally convince her to come back inside. I was planning on just taking her to a hotel myself because I felt uncomfortable having a stranger drive her at this point. But my boss sees this happening on the cameras and tells me she needs to leave before I lock the doors. So I convince her to take a cab but the only place she will go is back to the man’s house who her at the bar.

I tell the cab driver to please make sure she gets inside somewhere and text me when it’s done. He texts me telling me she’s back inside but he didn’t get paid. I feel bad for him, I feel bad this lady had no where to go but back to this asshole. I’m angry he just left me to deal with her and I had to stay way later at work than I should have.

This is not a unique story. I’ve had to deal with drunk women getting left by some asshole before. Being drunk in public is one of the most vulnerable situations to be in, and it’s so callous men can just leave you like that without a second thought.

EDIT: ok y’all didn’t think this would be a big post, but I feel like I gotta address some of this.

I don’t think this woman was roofied. It was either a cocaine thing or a medication thing. She had colored contacts in so i couldn’t tell.

She also told me (which I should have put in the post, my bad) her belongings were at his place, and she was flying out in the morning.She was a lot less intoxicated when I put her in that taxi compared to when she first came on my radar.

I was wearing a sun dress and my teva sandals with no makeup on. Nothing special. I'm a new mom and one of my friends wanted to meet up for a beer and meet my son. He was straggling far enough behind me with the stroller that you couldn't tell we we're together. A guy looked me up visibly from head to toe and had a creepy smile on his face. He said something under his breath and his friend turned all the way around to do the same. His buddy winked at me as I walked by and whistled.

Not my favorite experience in the world but I just walked a few steps backwards and grabbed his hand. He's 6'3 and a large man so it would be hard not to feel safe with him at my back. He was absolutely fuming when we got to our table and I had to talk him out of going back to say something. As a woman this kind of shit happens so often I barely even registered it.

He was going on and on about how wrong and disgusting it was I had to deal with them. It's nice that there's still a few good guys left in the world who "would fight for my honor."

Just looking to get this off my chest. I suspected she’d need to go “camping” a week or so ago. She didn’t think the signs were there, but I had a gut feeling.

She called me at 3AM this morning panicking. I’m helping her make arrangements and everything. She’s not in a campsite friendly location so she’s gotta fly to where I live.

I’m going to drive her to the site, and make a recovery kit and all.

This is just my first rodeo, and I’m the only person she’s told about it besides her boyfriend so I feel the pressure to get it right.

Anyone have tips for helping her through it? Anyone who’s been there? I’m planning on getting her a heating pad, chocolates, painkillers. I don’t know…this is just so surreal

INCOMING VENT: I was at a country bar in Texas and the song Flowers came on. I'm not really a fan of Miley to begin with but I find the song incredibly powerful. For me it's about finding self love, realizing that you will be fine alone, basically you don't need man to be happy.

Anyway, song comes on and the guy next to me (who is a traditional Latino AKA machismo man; woman belong in the kitchen type shit) immediately says "oh it's that woke song." To which I responded with, "WHAT?!" (Insert hysterical laughing) "This song is wOkE?! Because it's about not needing a man to be happy?!" (Insert more hysterical laughing). He made a disapproving, scrunched face as I very obviously laughed at him in front of his friends. I laughed but I remember feeling kinda angry thinking to myself like wow. Is this what the world has come to. Women can't even be empowered by a song without it being considered woke??? Woman's struggles have been around longer than the term woke has even been said but nice to know it's being lumped in with the "radical liberal agenda". As if it's something so unfathomable. I can't anymore. I can't even date my own race because I gotta deal with some machismo bullshit. I will definitely be buying myself flowers for a very long time. End rant.

America needs to get its shit together wtf is going on? It's almost like they want to force people into poverty. More poverty = more crime = more slaves for the prison industrial complex. I want to love my country but I fucking hate this place and apparently it hates me too.

24f, all of my life I have just not fit in/had friends. I don’t know what it is, I just feel like there’s just a disconnect. I have “fiends” but I’m always the friend that is left out while the others hang out. I’m the one who sits quietly at the table while the others chat about their experiences with each other but I can’t chime in. I just don’t know what to do.

It’s like I’m in an involuntary loner/introvert

I’ve been traveling with a male friend for about a month now. Sometimes we’ll meet new people and whenever I’m put off by a guy being too touchy with me, he doesn’t notice until I point it out. I started worrying that my friend thought I was overreacting about not wanting to be used as a human petting zoo by strangers, so I told him that I’d been raped in the past to “justify” my aversion to being touched by random guys. I didn’t want to be seen as high maintenance or irrational.

Ladies, don’t fall into this mental trap. You don’t need to justify advocating for your wants or your needs. Your physical boundaries don’t need explanation or justification, and they don’t become valid because they’ve been invalidated in the past. They’re valid, full stop.

I don’t know if this is a common phenomenon or not. Maybe it’s just me, but I find that women tend to feel the need to explain WHY they want/need something in order to give their needs validity. Maybe it’s because we’re afraid of being dismissed as needy or branded as emotional, and we want to rationalize our needs in order for them to be taken seriously.

Anyways, that’s the rant.

I have just seen the new BBC/Andrew Tate interview on YouTube and regrettably scrolled through the comments. Seeing person after person supporting this man and talking about how he has “changed their life” etc makes me feel sick. I work in education myself and I am terrified for all the young girls who are growing up with influences like this around them. What do you all do to not get pulled into a spiral of hopelessness when you are faced with this?

…because they’re not ashamed of what they’re saying! Never realized how wary I was of joining a group of men talking until now. My first experience with the elusive, actually practicing, not all men I’ve heard referred to on this sub

Source

I see a lot of manosphere and conservative people saying that a woman is the most happy when she is a housewife and 1950s were better when women were mostly housewives. I also see some Indian misogynist taking proud over the fact that divorce rate is low in India. But they never see that housewives are the most people who commit suicide in india. It can be for many reasons, dowry, infertility, abuse etc. Also divorce is still taboo in India. A lot of people see divorced women as a curse. But that is not the case of most divorced men. How is being a housewife a better choice when half of them kill themselves? This is not a small number.

There was a recent thread about the BBC interview with Tate. Several of the top comments were men virtue signaling how proud they are of themselves that they arent like that.

Please dont ever come into a womens sub bragging about your values. You are SUPPOSED TO BE A TOLERANT, ACCEPTING HUMAN. There isnt a jar of cookies for you just because you havent been turned into a tatebro. No pat on your back.

You know what is worth celebrating? Men creating their own safe spaces where they can share their feelings with each other. Men taking the time to establish what that looks like, how they will support its members, resources, action. Community involvement.

If women, queer, trans, POC, motorcyclists, skaters, dragonboaters, ect can create safe spaces, SO CAN YOU

My stepdad teaches his son's it's ok not to do chores and basic tasks because they are men. And if they leave things alone for long enough, the women will do everything. He actively says that.

And my mom then complains to me about how all the guys in the household disrespect her.

I sincerely hope I become financially dependent quickly and flourish well, so I can cut contact with everyone (including my mom).

Meanwhile, everyone is counting down the days for when I'll magically take care of them and devote all my finances to them.

No one has ever protected me.

It's disgusting.

I'm using my throwaway to be safe.

I love being intimate with my boyfriend. It's wonderful! He's my first, so I did have some questions. I went to my friends and sisters for help. I also trust them a lot. One friend called me weird and said, "I don't want to talk to you right now." My other friend reassured me about my questions. She was also very happy for me. My sister called me some words (like the one in the title and a lot more.) She also told me I'm not an example of what a young lady should be. That made me sad. I felt so ashamed. Growing up, I was taught to be abstinent from sex. It was drilled into my head at home and school. I want this feeling to disappear. I feel it won't disappear until I figure out why I feel shame. It's not fair. I should be able to enjoy this wonderful feeling of intimacy without being called names.

Thank you for reading.

I hadn't visited a salon for several millenia so decided to get a facial and just zone out for an hour. I'm not rich by any means so this is a VERY occasional treat for me but I thought what the hell. The facial itself was really nice, but from the MOMENT I interacted with the salon lady (SL) it was one long upsell from start to finish.

First she tells me that she's going to do a different facial to the one I'd booked because "my skin really needs it". I enquired the price difference and said upfront sorry no, it's not in my budget. SL seemed slightly affronted by that, but then proceeded to query me about the products I'm currently using and use this as a marketing platform for their own products ("our foundation is ONLY $60" "oh we have a sunscreen in our range that would be great for you").

Like I realise they probably have a sales quota or whatever... I don't know about anyone else but I find this sort of aggressive sales technique not only annoying (especially in these economic times where most people don't have spare cash to burn) but offensive to the point where I'm going to keep refusing on principle.

I found two videos on the same subreddit featuring fathers physically abusing their children, one was a black girl being abuse for being caught with two guys in the house, and the other one was a boy being abuse for losing in a motorcycle race and the comment section for said videos were like night and day.

The comments for the video with the boy were on the victim side and saying the father needed to be reported to CPS, meanwhile the comments for the video with the black girl were on the abuser side and saying how she deserved it and if anyone tried to call out people for justifying child abuse, misogyny, and racism they got downvoted to hell.

I also tried reporting the two videos because violent content is against Reddit's policy, but Reddit admin team claims "After investigating, we've found that the reported content doesn't violate Reddit's Content Policy."

I’m so frustrated. I’ve just graduated university and I’ve moved back in with my family because of health reasons, saving money, immigration stuff, and a whole host of other issues. I’ve been out as a lesbian for over a decade, and while it was very rocky for a while, my parents seemed to at least not cut me off for it as an adult. My sister is bisexual and still won’t come out to our family because she’s concerned how they’ll react because she saw what I went through.

Today, I had a blowout fight with my mother about her being in support of DeSantis and Don’t Say Gay bill. I’m a teacher and it’s deeply terrifying to know that I might be targeted if I’m out. Many of my queer friends in education feel the same. I tried explaining everything to my mother, but she just kept interrupting and telling me I should be protecting children (nevermind the fact that I had complex feelings on gender as a six year old despite only attending church and Christian school.)

Ever since I came out in middle school, I spent many hours explaining sexuality, transgender identity, nonbinary people, and other concepts to her. Many of my close friends are transgender, and she knows this. I’ve been patient, and explained topics using sources and personal anecdotes from myself and from friends. But she’s been listening to far-right talk radio which constantly spews dog whistles and drivel about how “transgenderism is a threat” and how kids don’t need to be exposed to gay people.

I’m just really sad because I thought I had taught her acceptance and that even if she didn’t really get it, she still respected myself and my friends. Now I see that she really doesn’t listen and hasn’t updated her views in the 10+ years I’ve been trying to inform her.

Saw this question posed to men in the "Ask Men" subreddit. I thought so many stories here are sad, and it's about time we had a thread about what makes being a woman enjoyable!

I'll start:

The whole magic/witch/Gaia Goddess energy I feel when I'm in nature or feeling creative. The fact I don't have children but I feel this amazing potential and motherly energy inside myself. The way yes periods hurt (I have endometriosis so I get it!!!) But they also give me a creativity boost and I feel like I have a moment of elevated sensitivity I can direct into artistic pursuits.

The fact it's more socially acceptable for me to be creative, emotional, wear makeup and express myself freely. That freedom of expression is so valuable to me.

I also like the fact that yes the downside can be feeling unsafe in public BUT I love the feeling of being protected, the way I can nurture and receive that without much ridicule.

The way women are allowed to be more youthful, young at heart, recieve things like flowers, plush toys and things that would be less socially acceptable otherwise.

I feel like we're more secretive and mysterious. That there is something inherently magical about femininity and how we are just so much more in line with the natural passing of nature etc.

At least that's how I experience it. And if I want to be a "tomboy" I can do that too!

Edit: The response to this has been so lovely and amazing! ❤️ I loved the contributions from trans women and non binary people too. The way they shared what their feminine aspects meant to them. There are so many heartfelt and gorgeous replies. Thanks for all the love.

The only negative is a small handful of people misread this post as me dictating gender roles to people etc. This is what it means to me personally and what gives me joy. It resonates with the vast majority of commenters and that made me really happy.

If you have a different point of view feel free to share it joyously without having to insult or dunk on anyone else's beliefs or perspectives.

Thank you and stay kind. 😇

I just need any suggestions from woman who may be in a similar position. Please.

Just told I’ll get chronic ovarian cysts by doctor, after living life with migraines since childhood, and family has a blood clotting disorder… so doctors says no birth control.

What are my options, I can’t live like this. Every day is pain.

My families blood clotting disorder is rare (Protein S deficiency)

I need options. I’m healthy other than all this.

I am so upset I am shaking. I have custody of my niece and our water got shut off. I have a full time job but recently picked up a second job as a server because I need cash to get it back on. I am living off the tips I get. I have to walk to work to save money and it was almost 100 degrees so I was sticky sweaty. I went into the public bathroom, there is no employee bathroom. I was freshening up with my wipes trying to be as quick as possible and I heard a “hi”. A kid had crawled under the stall. There is always obnoxious music blaring so I didn’t hear him come in.

He looked like he was old enough to know better, maybe 10 or 11. I had my back to the door because I have this fear that someone will look through the cracks, irrational and silly but still. I immediately started yelling at him to get out and the little shit was laughing like he knew it was wrong! I thought maybe his mom was washing her hands or in another stall but nope! This kid was in the women's bathroom alone. I have been SA’d in a bar bathroom before and my fight or flight kicked in.

I chased him out of the bathroom and started asking “who’s kid??” very loudly. He was still laughing thinking it was funny. His mom runs up and yanks him towards her screaming “why are you talking to my kid!?”. I told her he had crawled under my stall while I was changing. He says “Yeah I almost saw her naked!”. The mom starts screaming at me asking “why were you naked in a public bathroom!?” and that I was a predator for “being in the mens bathroom”.

At this point my manager came over to tell everyone to stop yelling and making a scene. I admit I was a bit worked up but an unaccompanied child should be cause for concern, no?

I told her I was in the WOMEN'S bathroom and she looked at her son and asked if he went into the men or women's and he started to cry saying he was confused and didn’t know. The bathrooms are clearly marked. I told her if that was true (it wasn’t) then he needs a chaperone to the bathroom if he can’t read.

She threw a huge fit and I got fired because I was still in my probationary period. My boss said I couldn’t be freshening up at work or “getting naked” at work. Which I wasn't fucking naked! I was sweaty and gross about to start a double shift. We don’t have employee bathrooms or changing rooms but are required to change into a uniform.

Now I’m totally shit out of luck. I was just trying to freshen up before my shift because I don't have running water at home, it was 100 degrees, and I walked to work. Was I in the wrong here?

On the main page today there’s a video of a woman wearing makeup to a basketball game with her mates. The joke of the video is that although the makeup is very visible and out of place the men don’t notice it. The highest upvoted comments are like “dudes are here to play not to simp”. My man, she knows this. It would have made bad content if she just went in, got a compliment and called it quits, yes? She clearly recorded it expecting NO response, yes?

If you suggested to an average reddit user that their takes are misogynistic, they would abhor it. After all, they think Andrew Tate, the Incel community, and other blatantly anti-women movements are bad and cringe. They make fun of them on main! They downvote them in the comments!

Ok, then. Let’s not call it misogyny. Let’s call it Misogyny Light™. Here’s a few common symptoms:

• Vague gender essentialism: Women are not in on the joke (that they posted). Women are not funny and don’t do fun things (all the Time Machine memes). Men do fun, whacky things. Men are chill and easygoing. Women are high-strung and emotional.

• Outrage content (that invalidates genuine issues): You know how women are being mistreated in various spaces? Well, here’s a video showing one woman that’s lying about it. Obviously that one video doesn’t entirely disprove the existence of a real issue. But, the next time you see a post of a woman complaining about being bothered at a gym, you’ll remember that video with 170k angry upvotes where some lady was lying about that

• Astrology Cringe: You know how astrology and witchcraft, largely harmless beliefs cultivated mostly in women’s spaces, are DUMB AND BAD AND CRINGE, and exactly like the horribly environmentally unfriendly, scammy NFTs, or the Alpha Males who are a big part of the alt-right pipeline for young men? They are just as bad you guys

• The Cheater anxiety: Does your partner have a close friend of opposite sex? That’s fine. Is your partner a woman? She’s fucking her friend for sure. And the baby isn’t yours.

• The Gold digger anxiety: Did she agree to you paying for the Tinder date? She’s a gold digger. Does she not work, because you earn enough for both of you and you are ok with this setup? She’s a gold digger. Did she request an expensive gift for birthday when you asked her? Hide your gold, for she will dig for it. It doesn’t matter how consensual that financial relationship is, she’s evil

• The weirdly fundamental belief that you can beat literally any woman in any sport if you’re a man: it’s just simple science ladies

And this shit tires me out. It seems like these Reddit Dudes are defined more by things they don’t believe in, than by things they do. Not liking Andrew Tate and Ron DeSantis doesn’t mean your views are not misogynistic. Not saying and doing horrible things things to women because it’s rude and not societally acceptable does not mean you respect them.

As long as you’re unwilling to face the reality that women are individual, fully realized, multifaceted human beings with their own rich internal lives, you are a part of the problem.

My husband and I have been married just over a year, together for almost three. Things haven’t always been bad. There were fireworks and so much chemistry and passion in the beginning. We moved quickly but it felt right at the time. There were red flags along the way that I ignored. Frequent accusations that I was cheating, emotional outbursts, unstable mood. He struggles with his mental health but so do I and I wanted to fix him I guess.

Things got really bad over the last few months. He became incredibly controlling and possessive, monitoring me constantly, insisting I call him every free moment I had and getting mad if I didn’t. If he didn’t know exactly where I was and what I was doing, he would get mad. One time at work I had been busy all day meeting with patients and charting and didn’t have time to text him. He got so scared and upset that he called the front desk in my office to check on me. He was constantly accusing me of cheating on him. He needed to spend every waking moment with me and would get mad if I wanted alone time. He was so obsessed with me, but at the same would blow up at me constantly, accusing me of not loving him and sleeping with other men. He’d yell and scream, threaten to kill himself, threaten to leave me. He would drive erratically, tried to jump out of a moving car, hit walls and doors. I was terrified of him and did anything I could to calm him down. Then he would cry and beg me not to leave him and go right back to clinging onto me. I didn’t realize I was being abused until I found myself thinking through every one of my moves, getting scared if I couldn’t get to my phone, constantly worrying about his next blow up. I confronted him, which was probably a bad idea. He agreed that he had been abusive and promised to change, get therapy, honor my boundaries. I was hopeful.

Things were ok for a few days until last night. We went to a yoga class and I didn’t want to hold his hand at the end of it. I knew a blow up was coming and it did. He told me he was putting in all the work to fix this and how unfair it was that I wasn’t trying too. He tried to justify abusing me by saying I was neglecting him and his needs weren’t being met. He kicked me out of his car and left and I decided enough was enough. My dad came and got me immediately and I finally felt safe, for the first time in who knows how long. I got out.

My family, friends and coworkers have rallied around me and provided me with more love and support than I probably deserve. I’m wrecked financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Everyone saw it but me. And despite that, I still wonder if I’m overreacting. He never hit me. Was I really abused? It’s a lot to process.

I’m hopeful for the future but scared at the same time. I love him so much but I know I have to love myself more right now. I guess I just needed to get it out of my head and into the universe. I’m so lucky for all that I have, but I still feel so broken.

Thank you for listening to my word vomit. I hope you all stay safe. ❤️