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What did the moderator say to the subscribers?

Nobody knows, because nobody ever reads what moderators write.

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Yes, it was a bad joke, but at least it wasn't a repost... which is kind of what we're here to discuss today:

As many of you are no doubt aware, spammers and bad actors have been flooding Reddit lately, and /r/Jokes has started to get hit pretty hard. Dealing with the issue isn't as easy as it sounds, though, because any action that we take has the potential to affect good-faith users. Still, we've been discussing the problem, and we've come up with the beginnings of a solution:

We're going to ban every last one of our subscribers.

Just kidding! In fact, we're going to give you a bit more insight into how spammers work, what their goals are, and why they're so effective on Reddit. This information will be included on our complete rules page, which we've also streamlined and updated. (The rules themselves haven't changed; we've just made them a bit clearer and more condensed.) Our hope is that you'll be able to recognize and report spammers when you see them, which will help us keep them from gaining more of a foothold here.

We'll be taking some other anti-spam actions behind the scenes, so rest assured, we aren't trying to dump the spam-fighting on you. We just figured that it was better to keep everyone informed... because after all, /r/Jokes is a community, and a community is only as smart as its dumbest member.

(Yes, the moderators count as members, and yes, we're easily the dumbest.)

Thank you for reading, and remember to report spam when you see it!

One night a guy goes to get a room in a hotel. "Hello, I want a single room for the night please." "Fine, sir, here's one of our best rooms. Room 13," says the concierge and hands him the key.

The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. When he realizes what is going on, he starts screwing both of them. He can't believe what's happening. Next morning, still surprised by last night's events, he goes downstairs to settle the bill. "How was your room sir?" asks the receptionist. "Excellent, I will come back again. What do I owe you?" asks the man.

"Well. actually, sir, we are doing a promotional offer. Not only do you not have to pay but we give you $10 as a welcome gesture," says the receptionist. "What?" says the guy, very surprised indeed. "That's amazing." He takes the ten-dollar bill and wanders off, debating whether his buddies will believe him or not. Needless to say, after a few days he's told all his friends and neighbors about room 13 and the amazing night of passion. The next week one of his buddies goes to check out the room. "Room 13 please." "Certainly, sir, here's your key." After he gets in bed, at the same time, 2 o'clock, three girls this time, extremely horny, get in bed and screw his brains out. The next morning, not only does he not have to pay, but he too gets $10. After a month, everyone knows this hotel and especially room 13. Everyone that stays in room 13 gets the same treatment: a good screw and a ten bucks.

After a few weeks, the story reaches the President. The President decides to check the story out for himself. He visits the hotel and asks for room 13. He gets the keys and goes upstairs. After a couple of drinks he gets in bed waiting patiently for the naked girls to appear. Indeed at about 2 0'clock in the morning two naked ladies come to bed. They are as horny and wild as all the stories the President has heard. The President gets his pecker out and screws the both of them all night long. This is the night of his life. Next morning he goes to reception and when he asks how much the bill is, the receptionist says, "Nothing to pay, sir. Actually, we are doing an introductory offer. Here's $50 as a welcome gesture." Curious, the President asks the receptionist, "Well, that's strange. Everyone else who comes here gets $10. Why do I get $50?" "Well, sir," says the receptionist. "This is the first time we've filmed a porn movie with a President in it!"

And says is the bar tender here

My address, my phone number..

After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.

The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in Newfound Land?”

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!”

The man smiled and said: "You'll know tonight." That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She embraced him, and then slowly and unwrapped the package. It contained a book entitled, The Meaning of Dreams.

Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

Peas and quiet.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Point to your watch and say, Times Up?"

Taste buds!

Church

"Fred...", whispers the businessman, "I have to tell you something..."

"What is it, John? You can tell me everything.", says Fred.

"You know, that trade we were making with the Italians, the package we were delivering; Fred, I didn't deliver it, I kept it for myself... I kept 500 dollars for myself Fred..."

"I can forgive you, John. We were friends for a long time, 500 dollars don't matter."

"But Fred, there's something else... The job we were doing for the Spanish... Giving them back those 5000 dollars, you know... I kept those too..."

"John, we are both millionaires, I don't care about those 5000 dollars. Don't worry about that."

"Well...", whispers John, almost unhearable, "There's one more thing... The huge job for the Brits... the biggest deal in the history of our business, Fred... I kept that money too... It was 1 billion dollars... 1 billion, Fred... that's just unforgivable..."

"Don't worry John, I know about that. That's why I poisoned you."

He told me that it was the most violent book he's ever read!

We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"

The doctor said to eat 3 squared meals a day

Because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works!

After  returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia; Luigi stopped by his old
barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.
  
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da trip?"
  
Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."
 
"Whata  you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
  
"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia , she  pack a biga basket a food. She brough ta da vino, some nicea cigars for me, and we were lookin a forward to da trip, and
open upa da luncha basket.
  
The  conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat indisa car,  you musta use a dining car.'
  
So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and  starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!
  
Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car!  Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car. While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. 

​

The conductore, he  waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car, you musta go to a smokina car.'
 
"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.
 
Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada  and the conductore,  he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a
voice...
 
'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !'

Early in the morning at the Pryvoz market, Benya meets Izya with a suitcase and three rubles in his hand. Benya asks, "Izya, where are you headed?" Izya replies, "Ah, Benya, I'm going to the port. Finally decided to go to America, gonna buy some cable!" "Well, good luck!" Benya responds, while thinking to himself, "But how much cable can this shmuck buy with three rubles?"...

Three months later, Izya brings eight thousand kilometers of cable to Odesa on a cargo ship. Benya, bewildered, meets Izya at the port and asks, "How did this happen?!" Izya replies, "Well, I docked at the port, approached the cable merchant, and said, 'Here are three rubles, give me 100 meters of cable.' He immediately burst out laughing and said, 'For three rubles, I can only sell you a piece from the tip of your nose to the tip of your dick!'" "And? What happened next?" "Little did they know that the tip of my dick is located in the Brodsky Synagogue..."

They end up on the roof and across them are a stretch of buildings leading to freedom. The first lunatic jumps across the gap with no issues but the second lunatic is having doubts, so the first lunatic says "how about I shine my torch across the gap and you can just walk across the beam of light!" The second lunatic thinks for a moment and says "Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds? How do I know you aren't going to turn it off when I'm half way across?"

I’m under…a lot of pier pressure.

An Uber

Nothing.

....never even thought I was very good at aural sex

Moray Povich

Oh, I’d while away the hours Wanking in the flowers My heart all full of song

I’d be guilding every lily As I waved about my Willy If I only had a schlong